loosy|goosy|ness - Blog

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Nice! I just found this site off of reddit: Why Linux is Better.com. Fortunately for me, it reads like a talking point manual for your local neighborhood Linux zealot. I thought we might have a bit of fun with this one.

• Forget about viruses. I think we went over that already.
• Is your system unstable? Who knew. When a system doesn't do anything, it doesn't crash. Oops, there goes NFS. Locked desktop. Oops I changed my IP address. Locked desktop.
• Linux protects your computer. What does that even mean? It sounds the same as the first one.
• Don't pay $300 for your operating system... but spend 10 weekends setting it up.
• Freedom! Yes, free yourselves form the shackles of sanity.
• When the system has installed, why would you still need to install stuff? Because the person that creates my OS can't possibly package everything? Duh?
• Update all your software with a single click... as long as you only want the selection and the versions that your distro provides. Don't you dare visit upstream websites.
• Why copy software illegally if you can get it for free? Why spend hours making free software barely work when you can pay $50 and get on with your life?
• Need new software? Don't bother search the web, Linux gets it for you... only if your distro has packaged it. Need software that's actually useful? Don't bother searching the web. It's not there. If it's even remotely useful, then your distro has probably already included it in a sad attempt to match the functionality of other platforms. Need legal dvd playback? playback of DRM'ed files? FAIL.
• Does your digital life seem fragmented? No? Does anyone care? Is it so hard to click three buttons to defragment?
• Choose what your desktop looks like... to make yourself feel better about it not being able to do anything. At least its pretty. At least your mom's pretty.
• Why does your Windows get slower day after day? Because you install a shit-ton of crap on it? If the same large selection of software could run on Linux, lusers would be having all the same problems.
• Do something for the environment. Seriously? how about making serious power saving work for desktops. Who cares about paper boxes. Tons of software on other platforms are distributed electronically. It's not like distributing linux ISO's saves any CD's either.
• Enjoy free and unlimited support. By that you mean unlimited quantity, but of rather limited quality.
• Use MSN, AIM, ICQ, Jabber, with a single program. Yea, cuz you can't do that on Windows or Mac.
• Too many windows? Use workspaces. Yes. Spaces. Or Virtuawin.
• Don't wait years for bugs to be solved, report and track them down... then wait years for them to actually get fixed.
• Are you tired of restarting your computer all the time? Why yes actually. Ubuntu seems to want to restart when there's a kernel or X update, which seems like every few days.
• Let your old computer have a second life...by using a Windows 2000-era operating system. Turns out Win2000 runs pretty damn well on that computer too.
• Play hundreds of games for free. The world doesn't need more than freecell and spider solitaire (and maybe pinball). Just imagine the decline in office productivity if there were more games.
• Help other countries, and your own. Yes, teach your citizens to program on OS'es which nobody runs, so that when they can locally develop software, there'll be nobody around to buy it. Surely, the rich countries with the cushy jobs are all looking for XO and KOffice experts.
• Get a great music player. Your example is amarok? Wasn't that whole gnome 3.0 tabs thing making fun of amarok? oh it wasn't? my bad... I was so certain that it was.
• Keep an eye on the weather. Because only Linux can display two digits with an optional C or F in a blurry font, and an icon of a sun.

Sorry, that was too easy. This site spreading all these lies can have Google ads but not mine? not cool.
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Source: linuxhaters.blogspot.com

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Ok, here's a new column for you guys. Y'all have been getting better at sending me links to posts and articles of freetards and lusers making asses of themselves. So I'll collect them and list them, and we can all have a laugh.

• 9 File Managers for Linux. Cuz like, 10 is waaay too many.
• FSF's 5 reasons to avoid the iphone 3g. Or rather, 5 reasons why you guys are still off your rockers.
• Sweet! Wireless status LED's on Thinkpad X61's work now. You just have to recompile your kernel.
• Soft core porn that was syndicated on Fedora Planet. That's one classy programmer. And people wonder why there are few luserettes.
• Linux edges one step closer to world domination. (about the OpenMoko). Choice quote:

  What makes Linux far superior to Microsoft's mobile software is that you can have different permutations of Linux smartphones. Historically -- and presently, for many of us -- smartphones are mostly pretty limited in scope. The software on them is abysmal; I can't even SSH into mine.

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Source: linuxhaters.blogspot.com

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Newb guide #4. Suck it.

• Pick versions of the kernel, glibc, gcc, that are different from all other distros. So that you too, can "Think Different," or at least claim that you have the newest kernel among all distros for the next 2 weeks.
• Pick a color. Make your distro's default desktop look that color. Beware that blue, green, red, and brown are taken. This is your distro's branding you see? Having a consistent color increases usability, even more so than having usable apps.
• Make sure your distro's name has at least two intuitive pronunciations, so that you as the maintainer can be a dick and correct everyone who says it wrong.
• Take tons of screenshots showing that you can run all the same damn apps as every other distro.
• Don't mention any detailed information about what kind of hardware your distro is known or not known to work on.
• Say that it's "community tested," but mean that you personally haven't tested it all.
• Have a snazzy website with a bunch of gradients. Preferably blending from your color of choice (see above) to white. Copy Apple websites as much as possible.
• Use a different package format from all other distros
• Failing that, use a similar package format, but make sure all your packages are incompatible
• Definitely be sure to have your own package updating mechanism. I mean, if you can't even write that code yourself, how are we to trust you?
• Make sure you have a freetard version. Undo all the useful integration work you did with proprietary binaries that people want to use.
• Release new, barely tested bits every 6 months and claim that it is a sign of progress.
• Make sure you're LSB compliant. Also make sure that that means absolutely nothing.
• Never admit that your distro could be achieved by just reconfiguring another distro.
• Do one thing right that every other distro gets wrong. Make sure that the solution you come up with only works in your distro.
• Have a forum where users of your distro can complain to each other. Make sure this forum allows users to have signatures that tell me about all the hardware they've wasted by running your distro.
• Have a brainstorm site where users can point out the most obvious problems and make you look like an idiot.
• Have a bugzilla, but don't ever fix any of the bugs. Blame them all on upstream, then don't tell upstream about the problems.
• Make sure every upstream package has at least two patches. This differentiates your product, see?
• Have a newsletter. Make sure this newsletter has a column to introduce random users of your distro who are total nerds and haven't made a cent from all the work they put into their configuration.
• Write tons of documentation on complicated procedures to make things work, instead of making things work.

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Source: http://linuxhaters.blogspot.com/

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[...]
Q: What do you think about the regular hype about the release of a new version of Microsoft Windows or Apple OS X?

A: An o/s should never have been something that people (in general) really care about: it should be completely invisible and nobody should give a flying f*** about it except the technical people.

It's stupid - when you make a big deal about something like Vista or Leopard a lot of it is about things I don't consider to be the operating system. It's about the visual shell around it. The fact Microsoft tied the two together so much actually caused them problems, not just the legal problems. If you manage a thousand clients, or a hundred thousand

clients which is not at all unheard of, you sure as hell don't want to point and click at them. In many ways Microsoft has had to fix the design mistakes they made when they thought the graphical approach should be a very intimate part of (Windows).

To Microsoft and Apple the o/s is important as a way to control the whole environment, from a marketing and money-making standpoint, to force people to upgrade their applications, and your hardware.

Q. Do you have a favourite between Leopard and Vista?

A: I don't think they're equally flawed. I think Leopard is a much better system. On the other hand, (I've found) OS X in some ways is actually worse than Windows to program for. Their file system is complete and utter crap, which is scary. I think OS X is nicer than Windows in many ways, but neither can hold a candle to my own (Linux). It's a race to second

place!
[...]

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Source: http://www.smh.com.au/